Angela Gargano (00:00)
Hey there and welcome back to What If It All Goes Right, the podcast where we dive into the messy, beautiful process of growth, resilience, and becoming the person you are meant to be. I'm your host, Angela Gargano, and today we're talking about confidence. Let's bust a myth right off the bat. You aren't born with confidence. Confidence isn't some magical trait that you either have or you don't have. It's something you create step by step.
action by action. And trust me, I'm speaking from experience here. As a kid, I was not confident. In fact, I was made fun of constantly from my muscular arms and kids literally used to call me, you're gonna die. Mangela. And it stuck with me and made me feel like I wasn't good enough or feminine enough. But over time, I learned something that changed everything. Confidence isn't about how other people see you. It's about how you see yourself.
And the only way to truly build confidence is through action. So today, I wanna share my journey with confidence and why it's something we all have to work on and actionable steps you can take to build it into your own life. So let's dive in. So confidence is built, it's not given. So let's...
take you back to some tough moments when I was younger. I was being teased for my muscular arms and it didn't just hurt. It made me feel like I honestly didn't belong. And I remember thinking, why can't I just be like everyone else? Why do I have to stand out in this way? And there was actually, I'm going to share this story with you. There was a story and I wonder, who knows, maybe one of the teachers on here is listening to this podcast or I wonder if my mom remembers this moment. I was in
Social studies class social studies all funny and I'm sitting there. We're watching gladiator for some reason. I don't know why and I remember this guy literally screaming out loud about one of the like the really ripped characters and The guys shouted. ⁓ just like Angela And I melted I literally melted I think it was a day to where I finally confidently like tried to show my arms and not only did I
have muscular arms for some reason from doing gymnastics, which was not seen as a beautiful thing when I was younger. I also had like hairy arms and my mom like would not let me shave them. So we were trying to like bleach them and do all this crazy shit. And I just had all this hair. wish my mom just honestly let me shave them. So I just felt extra manly, just didn't feel like a good look. And I remember I stormed out of the room. My teacher yelled at the kid.
And I actually like found, somehow like went to the nurse and called my mom to go home. And I remember sitting outside on the curb waiting at May Elementary School, basically crying. And this teacher, can't remember her name. my God, she came up and she was like, girl, she was like, I love your arms. Your arms are so beautiful. I remember her saying that being like, shut up. Like, seriously? Like, nobody thinks my arms are pretty. And yeah, I feel like.
It's because of some of those moments that I'm seeing now that that lack of confidence followed me into some parts of my adulthood. And even now there's areas where I don't feel completely confident, whether it's trying something new in my business or I actually, I feel pretty confident when I step on stage. I love stepping on stages. But here's the truth, confidence isn't something you're born with. It's built. And true confidence.
The kind that sticks with you comes from taking action, even when you're scared, even when you're uncertain, and even when it's uncomfortable. And I was listening to a podcast Mel Robbins. By the way, Mel Robbins, if you ever listen to my podcast, I heard that you want to get a pull-up. I'm your girl. Let me teach you your pull-up. But what I love about she said about confidence and how it's not the external confidence, because you might see people externally that look confident. It really is that deep confidence. You could fake.
kind of fake being confident all day. when you're internally confident, like how do we get there? That's something that I feel like is really interesting. think about the things you were confident in right now. There has to be a couple things that you feel like I'm that, like for me, like when I'm teaching them in their pull up, I'm like, I'm your girl. Like I'm so confident that I'm gonna help you get your pull up, right? Maybe it's your ability to cook a meal, lead a meeting. Maybe it's just driving. Maybe you were confident the first time, like you weren't confident the first time you tried. Maybe you, but now you are.
But by doing it over and over again, you become confident, right? That formula takes a small step. You can learn from it, and you repeat it until it feels natural. Confidence doesn't come before action. It comes after. You can't wait for confidence to show up. You have to create it by doing it. I told a woman today in my pull-up workshop that I had,
She came on, you could tell she wasn't really confident about, she wanted to join the program, but she wasn't feeling confident in her ability. Even after I showing her literally so many women that were in her exact position, I'm like, listen, this girl is just like you, they can do it, you can do it too. I'm like, what's the deeper thing? She's like, I guess I don't fully believe that I can do it. I'm like, listen, your confidence isn't gonna come from you sitting here and taking in action. It's gonna come from trying, right? I that's super, super important. So for me, building confidence started in small ways.
When I was made fun of for my arms, I started seeing my strength as something to be proud of rather than something to hide. mean, in gymnastics, like, it's so funny when I was in gymnastics and I was in those four walls of the gymnastics gym, I felt so powerful because like, I felt pretty good at gymnastics. I felt pretty confident. But when I was like outside of gymnastics, I was like, oh my God, nobody knows me, understands me. But I really think I started to find true confidence, believe it or not, when I started doing fitness competitions. And I think you wouldn't actually think
would actually bring confidence because you're like, oh, you're on a stage. You're literally getting your body judged by a bunch of random judges as you're sitting there in a bikini that's literally like you're not wearing anything. But I really feel like it gave me the opportunity to push myself. And also when my coach originally, literally, she gave these to me. I didn't have a pair. She gave me pair of these clear stripper shoes and I didn't even know how to walk in heels. She taught us how to walk in heels. There's something about
the confidence you get from walking in stripper shoes, strutting your stuff in a bikini that just, it's after a while you start to believe it by taking action. I started to become more confident in myself with that. And I also started to become more confident because I was around more people who saw my potential and were bringing that out in me. Like they would always call me, you're a rock star, you're a superstar, like things like that. And slowly but surely I started believing these and I started becoming much more confident in myself. Making a Ninja Warrior.
And later tearing my ACL on national television taught me that confidence isn't about never failing. It's about getting back up and it's about trying again. I honestly, when I went on that course before I tore my ACL, I felt pretty confident. I felt pretty cocky, honestly. I was like, I got this. Like I've done this.
I felt kind of a little full of myself and like, got this or whatever. And then I got broke. I mean, then I just literally felt like, you know, when I fell and I tore my ACL in front of everybody, it was tough, but it wasn't until the end of the journey when I finally was back on to compete again that, yeah, that I started realizing that it's, yeah, confidence isn't about not failing. It's about how can you fail forward? How can you keep moving forward when something does go wrong? And I actually feel like,
It really builds a lot within me going through that process. And I feel like lot of confidence came from, if I can come back from a setback like this, I can come back from kind of anything. So step by step, every action, every setback I had and I overcame just built a little bit more confidence. And guess what? That same process works for anything that you want to achieve, anything. So if you're struggling with confidence, here are some ways to build it today. Because you know here on What If It All Goes Right, I'm going to give you some action stuff.
because that's what we do here. And these all might seem obvious, but sometimes we need those reminders, right? So number one, I want you to take one small step. You don't have to leap into the deep end. I want you to start with something manageable. If you're nervous about public speaking, I want you to practice maybe in front of a friend or literally just practice like just, it's just start talking in general to yourself in the shower. If you're scared to try a new workout, start with just 10 minutes.
Not an hour, just 10 minutes. Start small and create some kind of momentum for yourself. Remember, confidence comes from trying. You try something. Number two, I want you to celebrate your wins. Confidence grows when you acknowledge your progress. It's so easy for us to like have a win and just keep going after it. Let's take a moment and freeze and celebrate it. Say it out loud. Do something nice for yourself. Write down,
One thing that you literally did today that made you proud, there's probably one thing that you're proud of yourself for. For me, it was getting my ass to the gym when I was literally sitting here with an ant infested department and I didn't want to go. That's a whole other story. Reflect on how far you've come and even if it's the steps feel small, I want you to celebrate it. Refrain your failure. Ooh, that's a spicy one. Failure isn't the opposite of confidence. It's a part of the process. Instead of thinking I failed,
Rufi, as I learned something valuable and ask yourself, what did I gain from this experience? And straight up, honestly, confidence comes from trying, right? Confidence comes from trying. And when you try a lot, you're probably gonna fail a lot.
And when you fail a lot, eventually you're going to succeed. It's like that saying, you're going to have a million nos and you're going to get that one. Yes, that's going to, that's going to completely change your life. For people like with social media, you're going to post a bunch of awful posts and then one's going to hit. Or for my podcast right here, I'm going to celebrate right now. I might have a couple crummy episodes, but I'm trying. I'm going to have that one that hits and then blows everything up. So don't think that failure is not having confidence.
A lot of times, confident people fail a lot. Practice self-compassion. So be kind to yourself. Confidence doesn't grow in an environment of self-criticism. talk to yourself in the way that you would talk to your friend. Remind yourself, I'm learning and that is enough. And I think it's really important that those thoughts, by the way, are super normal. So don't ever think that the thoughts of, the negative thoughts are actually ever gonna go away. I feel like the negative thoughts do wind up staying with you, but it's just how you react to them.
Taking a moment, freezing, getting curious and be like, wait, I totally just had that thought. Wait, let me get curious and get an understanding of that real quick. Can I shift that? That's where the awareness comes. You're gonna have those thoughts. Those thoughts happen all the time. For me, I sometimes will get into a spiral. So it's like, how do you get out of the spiral? These negative thoughts. But a lot of times it's just practicing and practicing that reframing. And that might be you literally saying it out loud or writing it down. Five, focus on the process, not the outcome. So true confidence comes from showing up, not from achieving perfection.
set process goals, like I'll work out three times this week instead of outcomes, like I'll just lose 10 pounds. Okay. So really focus on that process. you have to come back to your process and you have to come back to the why too, because you're not always going to be motivated to show up for these things. And you have to have a deeper reason as to why you're showing up for what it is that you're doing. And I feel like I'm realizing that a lot this year, specifically with, you know, when my business stuff is getting hard, I just,
come back and the messages I get from the women that I changed their life. I mean, it's just such a reminder. I still like why I'm actually doing what I'm doing, why I'm recording this podcast, why I'm going to these keynote speeches and talking to these hundreds of people. It's literally to create that impact and a deeper why. And so even when it's hard and things are hard, I'm like, you know what? It's not that hard. It's okay. Surround yourself with support. So confidence grows when you have people who believe in you. So
Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or community that lifts you up. Share your wins and struggles with people who can offer encouragement. Now for me, I feel like I a really rough time finding a group I felt good with. I never feel like I really actually fit in. I also feel like I have lots of different friends from like all over the world. And I've also had like different friends from different seasons of my life. And I adore every single one of them. And a lot of times I get obsessive and I just want to hang out with them all the time, but.
you know, life happens and they start to do other different things. But I can tell you, I have so many friends that I could call right now who would celebrate me. I have so many friends who see me in a different light and I'm just really grateful for that. I don't think I ever thought I was gonna have that, especially with growing up as a kid and just feeling so much like I didn't have friends like that, to be honest. And I knew I was like different also. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I know that I'm different.
There's something different and something wired differently in my brain that I can't quite understand. just, know I have it. I know I'm gonna use it. I know I'm gonna like, there's some big things in my brain that I know I wanna do. And it's been really cool living in Austin, because I feel like there's a lot of people with similar mindsets and they just like think bigger and they wanna do a lot of things, a lot of good for the world and they're not just gonna stay in one spot. But anyways, that's my little rant. But here's what I want you to remember.
Confidence isn't about being perfect. It's about being willing to show up. It's about being willing to take action and keep going even when it's hard. It's gonna be hard. Entrepreneurship is hard. Life is hard. Taking care of my pepper girl is hard. I love her so much. The next time you feel like you're not confident enough to try something, remind yourself confidence is built. It's not boring. You don't need to feel confident to take action.
You need to take action to feel confident.
Confidence comes from trying. And if anything, I just want you to just try something. And if you're ready to start building your confidence, take one small step today. Maybe it's trying something new. It's speaking up in a meeting or starting the fitness journey, starting the pull-up journey. Hello ladies, I'm sorry, there's so many of you women who keep looking at my pull-up program and still haven't gotten it because you're nervous about it. Whatever it is, just start
If this episode resonated with you, want you to share it with someone who needs a reminder that confidence is something we all have the power to create. As always, keep asking yourself, well, what if it all goes right? What if it's already going right? Until next time, keep showing up, keep taking action and keep building the confidence you deserve. You got this.
